


words are all we have

by magnoliaalchemist



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotions, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, i wanted to explore how the two would build trust between each other, idk if that applies here? i'm new to this, it's rated teen because there's some cursing and i want to err on the side of caution, its really just talking about emotions, with some pining on mollymauk's part, yes the title is from a bastille song bc i am nothing if not predictable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 12:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21427957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnoliaalchemist/pseuds/magnoliaalchemist
Summary: Mollymauk wants Caleb to know he's loved, but it's gonna take baby steps to get there. This is one of those baby steps.
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 6
Kudos: 110





	words are all we have

Mollymauk catches a glimpse of Caleb out of the corner of his eye and watches as he leaves the tavern table, eyes unfocused. He looks past Beauregard and Jester arm wrestling to where Caleb’s tankard still sits, mostly full. Mollymauk frowns, downs the rest of his own drink, and follows Caleb’s path. 

It’s definitely not out of place for Caleb to be anti-social, but nothing particularly eventful had happened that evening that would trigger something like this. They just had a shopping day and Caleb had bought himself tons of ink and parchment, which always made him happy. Normally he would be spending hours transcribing spells at this point.  
He finds Caleb in the room he shares with Nott, sitting on the bed and staring at the wall. It pains Mollymauk to see Caleb in this state. 

“Not feeling too social, eh?” Mollymauk quips from the doorway. He tries to look noncommittal, leaning one arm on the door frame while the other rests on his hip.

“I don’t deserve this,” Caleb whispers, almost too low for Mollymauk to hear. “I don’t deserve to live in comfort with you people.”

Mollymauk feels a jolt of pain hit his heart. He’s heard Caleb express this sentiment to Beauregard before, but he had been casually eavesdropping and it wouldn’t have been appropriate to butt in with sarcastic jabs to try and lighten the mood. Caleb is telling him outright, which Mollymauk knows is no small matter. For once in his life, Mollymauk doesn’t want to fuck up his words.

He sighs and sits down on the opposite side of the bed, giving Caleb plenty of space. He gazes out at the wall opposite them, knowing that Caleb doesn’t like people looking at him much. The wall is a dull gray wood marked with age and scattered holes and scuff marks. He pics the most interesting looking pattern in the grain he can find to focus on as he chooses his words. 

“You know, this body, I don’t actually know how many souls have been in it,” Mollymauk starts, but then stops as he finds himself suddenly anxious. Ever since running into Cree and finding out about Lucien, he’s had a visceral sense of disgust whenever he’s thought about his past. Whenever he finds himself thinking about Lucien his brain shuts off to a different topic. He steels himself to continue talking, knowing that if he wants to get anywhere with Caleb, he’s gonna have to get vulnerable.  


“I don’t know how many people have been in this body, and I don’t know what those people have done,” Mollymauk continues. “From what I can gather, I know at least Lucien did some shady shit, and he probably hurt a few people in the process.”  


“Ja, but you are not the same person,” Caleb mutters.  


Mollymauk drops his gaze from the wall and squeezes his eyes shut. “But what if we are?” Every part of his brain is screaming at him. It’s something he’s never let himself think about and he’s astonished that he’s talking about it with Caleb. Admitting this deep fear is going against every single one of his instincts, and he wants to run. _I’m here to help Caleb, not make the situation about me._  


Mollymauk opens his eyes and takes a look at Caleb. He’s surprised to see that Caleb is turned to him, eyes locked onto the space on the bed between them. He knows that even that is a lot for Caleb to handle.  


Mollymauk braces himself with a deep breath, opens his eyes, and keeps going. “My point is, we all have shit we’ve done that we’re not proud of. I’m not gonna pry about your shit, but I’m sure it’s nothing worse than anything anyone else here has done.”  


Caleb laughs bitterly and looks back at the wall. “If you knew I don’t think you would say that.” He brings his legs up to his chest and rests his chin on his knee.  


Seeing Caleb like this makes Mollymauk want to cry. He wants desperately to take Caleb in his arms and shower him with kisses on every inch of his body until Caleb can see how deserving of love he is, but he knows that Caleb’s mental state isn’t anywhere near ready for that. He’ll have to take the slow path, as hard as it is for him to do so.  


“Look, I’m not trying to change your mind in one night,” Mollymauk continues. “You’re dealing with a lot of heavy garbage, way heavier than anything I ever had to deal with. I am, after all, only two years old. Not a lot of life experience there.”  


“Oh, but you’ve had enough revelry to fill a lifetime,” Caleb jabs.  


Mollymauk smirks. “That I have, and don’t you forget it.” He shifts back into a serious tone. “But just know Caleb, that we all care about you. I care about you. And seeing what you’ve done for people since I’ve gotten to know you, I don’t think there’s anything you could tell me that would make me stop caring about you.”  


Mollymauk starts to get up but feels Caleb’s hand on top of his where it rests on the bed between them. He quickly looks down at it. It is rough and calloused and there’s dirt caked in the nails, but in this moment, it is the most beautiful thing Mollymauk has seen. He holds his breath and makes a point not to look at Caleb's face, not wanting to push Caleb beyond his comfort level.  


“Thank you, Mister Mollymauk.” Caleb smiles ever so slightly. He pats Mollymauk’s hand awkwardly and quickly pulls away, shyness returning at a record speed.  


“Anytime, Mister Caleb.” Mollymauk’s mind is racing but he focuses on trying to stay cool. He smiles in a way that he hopes isn’t overbearing and leaves the room, forcing himself to walk out the door and not sweep Caleb off the bed and smother him with affection as he so desperately wants to.  


As soon as he’s out the room and out of Caleb’s view, Mollymauk presses the back of his hand to his cheek and grins. He feels like a blushing schoolgirl, but that moment was more than he ever thought he would get from Caleb in a lifetime.  


When he goes to sleep that night, he can’t stop dreaming about Caleb.

**Author's Note:**

> The last time I wrote a fic five years ago I immediately deleted it, and I'm not exactly a writer by trade. But it was Missing Mollymauk Hours (TM) and I was left unsupervised so this happened ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. Thank you so much for reading, I really do appreciate it! (I'm also only on episode 45 so no spoilers please!)


End file.
